Author:  Fiona
Rating:  PG/R
Spoilers:  6th season/FTF
Archive: Anywhere as long as my name remains attached.
Disclaimer:  None of these characters belong to me. I am merely
borrowing them for a moment to relieve a little tension. <g>


Author's note: I almost lost my lunch when I heard that Fowley
stripped off in the finale.
And the result was a major tantrum, lots of swearing and this little
piece of creative therapy. <g>  So this is for all you fellow shippers
out there who need a group hug after watching 'Biogenesis' - and to
the fab 5 UXer's.
(Including the Noromo woussie/Fowley sympathiser who may kill me after
reading this <bg> *Moouah* to you too hon. :-) )

Caustic comments, flames, whips and other delightful forms
of torture can be sent to:   nurseowens@clara.co.uk

The Bitch Troll From Hell

All right! That's IT! I've had enough!
That bitch has got to die!
I'm sick of hearing Fowley's gob
Spew forth another lie.
I've named her thus:-  'B.T.F.H.'
(The great Bitch Troll From Hell)
Who *claims* to be on Mulder's side
....as far as I can tell.

I'll warn you now, don't mess with him,
You cannot be his 'friend'.
He needs the strength of Scully's love
On which he can depend.
So pray, what were you thinking
when you peeled off all your clothes?
Did you really think he'd want you
in your bra and pantyhose?

I'm afraid you are mistaken dear,
Peer closely at the glass.
Regardez-vous those saggy tits
And that enormous arse.
You're positively ugly babe,
Your jowls, your eyes and mouth...
Well they've succumbed to gravity
and headed further South.

My dear, your days are numbered now.
I can't see any reason
Why C.C. couldn't kill you off
To open the new season.
Of course, your fate may yet be sealed
By someone who is smarter.
Ms Scully might assert herself
And by-pass Mr Carter.

Well, in that case, I wish you luck.
Your chances? - they are slim.
'Cause Scully has been working out
Within the Bureau gym.
If you should break poor Mulder's heart
It won't be taken lightly.
She'll grab your wrinkly, scrawny neck
And squeeze it VERY tightly.

But if that doesn't do the trick,
She won't go by the book.
You'll feel the painful stinging slap
Of Dana's strong right hook.
For Mulder's sake, she'll beat you up,
Your screams - they'll not be heard.
And not one shred of evidence
That such an act occurred.

For Scully, she's a loyal friend -
Old Spooky would agree.
You've lost your prized position
As Fox Mulder's chickadee.
What was the big attraction ?
Did you think that he was rich?
Were you hoping for a windfall then?
You money-grabbing bitch?

The truth is clear, you must now see
His heart belongs to Dana.
And after last year's movie, well
It couldn't be much plainer.
He rescued her from certain death,
Despite the icy snows.
But selflessly he brought her back
And gave her half his clothes.

With Scully in his arms he trudged
(She passed out on his shoulder.)
He even let her wear his socks
As HER feet felt much colder.
He had to give her CPR,
And hope she would awaken.
( I thought he said "I love you"
But I may have been mistaken.) <g>

With hope that he might keep her safe,
He turned around and shocked her:
"You're right, just get away from me,
Go on, go be a Doctor.!"
Distressed that she'd been hurt once more,
He thought she should give in.
She squeezed his hand and told him straight:
"If I quit now, they win."

You see, you're just too late my dear,
You cannot come between them.
Through seven years of U.S.T.
True love will now redeem them.
So run on back to Cancer Man
Go give his balls a shake.
I'm sure you are familiar with
His one-eyed trouser snake.


So, one day on the basement floor
Just as you're giving head,
He'll pull his gun out, flick some ash,
And calmly shoot you dead.
And whatever you may be to him:
His daughter, whore or spy.
Like Jeff you will be history,
Surrounded by a lie.

So don't you dare repeat that phrase:
"Oh Fox, you've got to trust me!"
I've heard that several times before -
Quite frankly, you disgust me.
So heed the warning, take the hint...
please pack your bags now, will you?
(and stay away from Hegel Place
or I will f**king kill you).